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Professional Cornholing

By:  Joe Bones      Topic:  Sports

 

A few nights ago I was sitting with my wife at T.G.I Fridays. Neither of us are sports fans, but we do enjoy watching and commenting on the random sports that happen to be playing on the big TVs at restaurants. On this occasion we looked up and couldn’t believe our eyes. The TVs were showing coverage of a professional Corn Hole tournament. I had to double check that the station was ESPN 2 and not ESPN 8 – The Ocho.

For those who don’t know what Corn Hole is, allow me to give a brief explanation. Corn Hole, also called Bean Bags or Bags, is a yard game played between two to four people. It is similar to washers, horseshoes, or lawn darts. Teams stand across from one another and try to throw bean bags into the hole on the opposite game board. Teams score points for each bag they get through the hole. Highest score after a select number of rounds wins the game.

Even though I’m not a sports guy, professional Corn Hole is a sport I can definitely get behind. You gotta love a sport that anyone can play. The competitors in the tournament we watched had builds the exact opposite of most professional athletes. It also seems like a sport where the women can not only be just as good as the men but compete directly against them, and therefore receive equal attention and acclaim. Plus you’ve got to appreciate a sport where Googling it runs you the risk of accidentally running across porn. The website on the arena advertising was allcornhole.com. I shutter to imagine what you’d find if you accidentally typed alscornhole.com. It would be like that time I was searching for fan sites and accidentally misspelled Albert Pujols’s last name.

Even though this sport got me excited, I can see how the novelty would wear off pretty fast. So I’ve got some suggestions on how to make this sport stay enjoyable:

– The distance between the boards should increase after every round. Anyone can develop enough muscle memory to hit the target consistently at ten feet. Lets see which team can do it consistently at thirty. Seems like a great equalizer to me.

– I also hope they eventually do a “Home Run Derby” style event where individual players see from how far they can hit the target.

– Add some ‘mini golf’ style obstacles in between the two boards. Toss your bag past the blades of a windmill or through a ring. Double points if you can make it through the dragon’s mouth!

– Or they could do it the way we used to play yard games…Beer Olympics style. Take one drink for every bag you get in the hole and two drinks for throw you miss. No need to test the athletes for doping if you control the substance they are using. Its about time drunks had a sport where they could be on equal footing with the straight-edge players. Talk about a nice change of pace from the sports where the enhancers do better then the natural athletes.

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